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The Pit

William Shatner vs. The Nameless One
...cheesy piece of fanfiction from Talavar

Kirk: What's...the....matter with you? Are you...hurt?

NO: No, I'm just kind of scarred and tattooed. By the way, can you tell me where to find Nordom?

Kirk: Nordom...sorry, no. My....what a...thick, full....head of hair you have. I.....must have it.

NO: What? Did you just say you wanted my hair? Are you wearing a toupee?

Kirk: No....of....course not! *fidgets nervously* Oh....all right....I...am. *Produces weird vulcan weapon* Now...hand over....the hair.

NO: Get your own damn hair. Do you know how long it takes to get dreadlocks put in? I'd tell you, but I don't remember either. What the hell is that thing your holding anyway?

Kirk: I...don't know. But...me and Spock....fought each other....with....them one time.

NO: Can I ask why you talk like that? Do you have some problem I can help you with?

Kirk: Oh...you don't like....my modulated...tones?...I'll....show you. *sings* Hey....Mr....Tamboureen....man,....play a...song...for me!

NO: Make it stop! *lungs at Kirk, fails dexterity roll and just rips his rug off*

Kirk: You... stole my hair! You....bastard! *attacks NO with vulcan weapon. Two scuffle for a few minutes, Kirk inexplicably ends up with a torn shirt.*

Kirk: Look....what you...did! Paramount...only let...me keep so....many of....these! Why'd....you have....to go...do that? *cries self to sleep, NO, victorous sneaks away to avoid waking him*



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