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    February 20, 2000

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    With your Dying Breath...

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    As an immortal, it is a veritable certainty that one will "die" many, many times over the course of one's existance.   The question is, what can you do to make sure your next death is memorable?

    Last words are the essential element in a effective death scene.   Appropriate last words can make or break the dramatic impact of an immortal's death.  One's last words can ensure that one's noble sacrifice lives on in the memories of the common people for generations to come.  Or they can make one a laughingstock for hundreds of years.  So how to choose the right last words?

    There are various general concepts for last words, which will be examined below:

    "Aaaaahhhhh!  AAAHHHHHH!!!  AAAAAARRRRRGGHH!!!"

    Pros: Tortured screaming can create serious dramatic impact if properly applied.
    Cons: If improperly applied, it makes you look like a sissy girl.

    "You may have won this time, but know this: I am immortal, and will return again and again until you die."

    Pros: Very, very ominous.
    Cons: It can turn into a comedy routine real fast if you actually do have to return again and again (and again and again and again...).

    (stony silence)

    Pros: Displays your iron will and determination.
    Cons: Boring.

    "Ow!  That hurt, you bastard!"

    Pros: Good for comic relief.
    Cons: Hard to be taken seriously.

    "Argh!  A touch, I do confess it!  I fear I breathe my last.  Oh, fie, fie, cruel death... (etc., etc.)"

    Pros: Dramatic and poetic; sure to impress.
    Cons: You'll probably croak before you finish saying all that.


    Pros: Uttering the name of your true love with your final breath show you to be a loving, caring immortal.
    Cons: Vengeful evil-types might decide to go and kill said loved one, which could put a serious crimp in your relationship.

    "Frop!  The Anti-Bob!  Haha!"

    Pros: Open to interpretation.
    Cons: Open to interpretation.

    So you see, there are many, many ways to go about uttering one's dying words.  It is hoped that this article will be of assitance when your time comes.

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    Unauthorized reproduction will be met with divine retribution.

    All right, show's over.

    Really, there's nothimg more to see.

    Are you still reading this?

    All right, go ahead then,  keep reading (stupid Clueless).

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