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    February 20, 2000

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    You Tried to Kill Who?

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    As an immortal, it is a veritable certainty that one will "die" many, many times over the course of one's existance.   The question is, what can you do to make sure your next death is memorable?

    There are many, many elements that go into memorable death scene.   The one such item addressed here is impossible odds.

    This is always a big one.  To truly impress the common people, one must go up against something that they view as invincible.  Being stabbed in the eye and dying of a brain hemorrage while fighting Bob from down the street is simply not heroic.  What follows are some prospects for "impossible" targets one may consider:


    Pros: A perennial favorite.   Nearly every hero out there has slain a dragon at some point during his or her career.  But how many heros have been slain by a dragon?
    Cons: Dragons are an old hat.  The public may be jaded and expect something more.


    Pros: If you're looking for a memorable death scene, how could one do better?  When a god decides to kill something, the results are always spectacular.
    Cons: A god might decide to go and kill an immortal permanently, which defeats the entire purpose.  Watch out for death gods; there are especially notorious for this.


    Pros: Dying while battling the forces of darkness will make you a martyr to the common people for generations to come.
    Cons: Greater fiends have a nasty tendency to drag one's soul into the deepest pits for a thousand years of unimaginable suffering.   But hey, you're immortal, you can take it, right?

    The Endless Hordes

    Pros: Wave after wave of individually-weak but numerically-infinite foes foes throw themselves against your bladed defenses.  You take thousands of them with you into the dark night.  What could more exemplify heroic bravery?
    Cons: When you come right down to it, you just got spanked by a bunch of measly rats (or centipedes, or kobolds, or what have you).

    The Tarrasque

    Pros: This is as big as they come.  Killing the tarrasque is the ultimate hopeless quest.
    Cons: One of those bloody 50th-level dark elf multiclass-paladin/mage/crusader/assassins from Toril probably beat you to it.

    The Lady of Pain

    Pros: Clueless berks will hold you in awe for attempting such a feat.
    Cons: Planars will think you're a damn fool and deserve what you got.  Not exactly good for one's image.

    So you see, the selection of the proper target on which to achieve one's martyrdom is no laughing matter.  It is hoped that this article will assist in this most important task.

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    1999-2000 Bob, Jack, and Dave Productions, Inc.  All rights reserved.

    Unauthorized reproduction will be met with divine retribution.

    All right, show's over.

    Really, there's nothimg more to see.

    Are you still reading this?

    All right, go ahead then,  keep reading (stupid Clueless).

    *Crrchk!* Someone get the net.  Copy.