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    February 20, 2000

    notsay.GIF (12869 bytes)

    Once upon a time, the House o' Pa(i)ncakes held a contest.  That contest was to see who could come up with the absolute worst things to say to assorted NPCs.  After reading the entries, the judges had to be committed.  You have been warned.  And now, (warning: this section is rated PG-13) Things One Should Not Say To...

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    A Slaad...

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    "So, Bud, where are Weis and Er?" - Palin

    "Heheh, looks like Frogger!" - Strife

    "You know, I had a frog once, kept him in a cage and fed him insects until I grew bored and put a cigarrete in his mouth. Haha, they look so cool when they explode like that..." - Strife

    (To 3 Slaadi) "Come on! Say it! Say Bud Wise Er..." - Drake Bladesong

    "Hey Kermit!" - Ducky

    "Oh come on!!  I hear they taste just like chicken." - Ducky

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    A Bauriar...

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    "Hurry and saddle up so we can ride!" - Palin

    "Hey, look at that jackass over there!" - Strife

    "How do you feel about becoming a gelding?" - Strife

    "Having a b-a-a-a-a-d day?" - Ducky

    "Did I say 'stud farm'?  I meant 'glue factory'!  My mistake!" - Strife

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    A Baatezu...

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    "Horny little devil, aren't you?" - Palin
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    Morte...

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    "Hey Morte, don't lose your head..." - PieDragon

    "Now's not the time to lose one's head." - Strife

    "He didn't have a good head on his shoulders." - Strife

    "He's not a very headstrong individual." - Strife

    "He'll never be the head of a major corporation." - Strife

    "Heads or tails?" - Calis

    "Have you lost weight?" - Ducky

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    A Modron...

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    "Math? Phhhh, I hate math! What's it ever done for anyone? I can't think of a more foolish waste of time than math!" - Strife

    "Ahhh, just let yourself go! Relax..." - Strife

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    A Tanar'ri...

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    "You know, you're kind of cute in a way..." - Strife

    "I bet under that hardened exterior, there's a small frightened little boy just waiting to express himself." - Strife

    "Ah come on, cheer up! Coochie coochie coo! Who a bwad wittle fiend, eh! You're a bwad wittle fiend, yes you are, yes you are!" - Strife

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    Annah...

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    "Hello, my name is Fall from Grace, and yours?" - Strife

    "How 'bout you lettin me chase a little tail?" - Strife

    "Heads or tails?" - Calis

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    Fall-From-Grace...

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    "Hello my name is Annah..." - Strife

    "Roowwwrrr! Nice wings baby! How about you let me take you to heaven and back?" - Strife

    "Grace, heads up!  It's mistletoe!" - Dannyboy01

    "Oh, nurse!  I'm afraid I've got an ache only you can cure!" - Strife

    "I've got a pair of sensory stones that will keep you experiencing new sensations for a long time..." - Strife

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    SeamusXanthusZenus...

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    "I'm interested in buying arms." - Calis

    "Wow!  You have that?  I'd give my right kidney for that!" - Calis

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    Ignus...

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    "Hey, we're having a barbeque this weekend if your interested..." - Strife

    *Sniff sniff* "Hmmm...smells like chicken." - Strife

    "Hey buddy! Got a light?" - Strife

    "Hey, Ignus, we're going swimming!" - Dannyboy01

    "Will that be the smoking or non-smoking section, sir?" - Ducky

    "Let's sing 'On Top of Old Smokey'." - dls

    "Do you want your steak medium or well done, sir?" - dls

    "How many times have I told you?  When you're using the message board, no flaming!" - dls

    "Stand behind this cow." - dls

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    Mourns-for-Trees...

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    "Hey! Firewood! I've been looking all over for..." - Strife

    "Merry Christmas! It's a chainsaw!" - Strife

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    Lothar...

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    "Hi, Lothar? I'm selling for the hair club for men..." - Dannyboy01

    "Lothar, you do haircuts? These dreadlocks are getting a bit long... could you just take a little off the top?" - Dannyboy01

    "They say that bald men make better lovers, though.  By the way, how do you feel about a little alone time?" - Strife

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    Many-as-One...

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    "I don't fear your were-rat minions, Many-as-One, I've prepared myself with a weapon of the metal you cannot withstand... a tin fork!" - Dannyboy01

    "I'm here with a load of rat poison for a... Manny Asone?" - Dannyboy01

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    Ravel Puzzlewell...

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    "Happy birthday, Ravel! Weed-Killer!" - Dannyboy01

    "I have returned to you, my love, and OH MY GOD!  Damn!  Umm, uh, that's right, I came back to tell you I think it's time to reconsider our relationship." - Strife

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    Vhailor...

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    "No wonder you're so antsy!  No body means you haven't gotten any action in a few millenia.  Oh, sorry for leaving you, by the way.   But I know this great place we can go if you don't mind bending a few rules..." - Strife
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    A Greater Glabrezu...

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    "Ah, you dumb mutt!  I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks!" - Strife

    "Yo quero Taco Bell!  Now you say it!!" - Strife

    "I'm sorry, but you've been a bad dog, and now we're going to have to get you fixed..." - Strife

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    The Paraniod Incarnation...

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    "Excuse me?  You want to absorb me?  What about my needs?  How about a little dinner, some candlelight, then maybe we can open up and share our thoughts and feelings." - Strife

    "Hey, are we twins?  Because it's spooky how alike we look - almost like we were sharing the same body or something, eh?" - Strife

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    Pharod...

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    "I'll just open up the Bronze Sphere for you and - what the hell?  Depends?  I ran all that way for Pampers?" - Strife

    "Thanks for letting me take Annah along on my journey.  And by the way you're about to be a grandfather - Dad!" - Strife

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    The Lady of Pain...

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    "So, you like it kinky, eh?" - Palin

    "I don't think the pants have anything to do with it, honey." - Strife

    "Hoo boy!  Is it your time of month or something?" - Strife

    "Wow, those swords you have sure are pointy! And speaking of things growing pointy- have I ever told you how sexy you are? I mean, I practically worship you!" - Strife

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    Unauthorized reproduction will be met with divine retribution.

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