Interview Thriteen:

Floyd (almost)




 
 

Becker: Hi folks! I'm back from my company performance review, Mr. Big made me sit on a mound of fireants for not washing his car in a counterclockwise fashion, and I'm back on the interview track. I've been trying to get a hold of Floyd himself, but he hasn't been returning my phonecalls. So the team and I decided to make a surprise visit to his mansion Hollywood. We're walking up the path now -- WATCH IT WITH THE CAMERA MAURICE! -- and at the front door right now. Just let me talk my way past the doorman and we should be set ....

Boris: Yes?

Becker: Hello! I'm Becker from the Torment Inerviews and-

Boris: Go away.

Becker: No need to get hostile! I just want to ask Floyd a few questions about the project and his plans for the future. There's been some rumors of him starring in Evil Dead IV, Torment: The Movie, or possibly a John Huges flick starring opposite Molly Ringwald.

Boris: I can't comment on that.

Becker: What about his musical career? Surley in 10,000 years he must have recorded at least one CD.

Boris: I wouldn't know. He hasn't had the same staff for the past ten thousand years. I was only hired last century myself.

Becker: Well, can you tell us about his rumored relationship with Liv Tyler? We have some sneak photos of them in Paris sipping wine and pretending not to know English ... along with everyone else there.

Boris: Knock it off with the questions, smart guy. I've had it with you types. Always coming over uninvited and asking stupid questions, it's not like it's my job to sit here and talk to you people.

Becker: Um, well you are the doorman.

Boris: I'm a wererat so I'm not a doorman, and it's not exactly easy working for Floyd you know!

Becker: Really? Most people like him.

Boris: It's horrible. He keeps calling me 'Dayffd'. Apprently I look like a doorman he had during the English Civil War several hundred years ago.

Becker: That doesn't sound so bad.

Boris: Oh yeah? He pays us once every decade and considers that frequent! When we do get paid it's in "jink"! Who uses jink? How am I supposed to go to McDonalds with jink? They stare at me in horror when I try to pay for a strawberry milkshake.

Becker: You don't suppose they're just staring at you because your race is known to be servants of evil who eat humans, do you?

Boris: Nah. Do you know what else Floyd does?

Becker: I suspect you're going to tell me.

Boris: He constantly forgets that eveyone else around him isn't immortal. The last time he wanted to nail a picture up on the wall he tried to rip off my arm to use as a hammer! Good thing I can only be damaged by silver or magical weapons.

Becker: Yeah, good thing. So can we see him?

Boris: No.

Becker: Why not?

Boris: He's auditioning for Dawson's Creek: The Movie.

Becker: Well, we at the Torment Interviews wish him luck. We'll be back with a Floyd interview as soon as he returns!
 
 


 

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Copyright 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved. So neayh! The whole "floyd" thing is just a joke, cats. Don't go looking for Nameless "real" name 'cause you won't find it.