Interview Fourteen:

Floyd




 
 

Becker: Guh. Wah? Sorry folks, Torment was finally realeased and I've been playing for the past seventy two consecutive hours. I would have kept going, but Mr. Big reminded me with an electric cattle prod that I had an appointment with Floyd. So here we are now by the indoor olympic sized swimming pool at Floyd's mansion-

Floyd: Please. We perfer to call it "Casa del Floyd".

Becker: I'm sorry. We're at Casa del Floyd and talking to the Man of the Hour himself! So Floyd, what's it like to be a big star?

Floyd: I've lived for ten thousand years and I've been a major star on several occasions so I'm rather accustomed to it. You'd think it would be a major adjustment getting used to legions of fans, millions of dollars, and a small army of gorgeous women but I've managed to adapt.

Becker: When was the last time you were such a big celebrity?

Floyd: That would have been three thousand years ago when my name was known to billions of people on the plane of Kered.

Becker: Wow! Were you an actor then too?

Floyd: No, I destroyed the entire planet. People remember you when you do things like that.

Becker: Oh. Um. Why did you exterminate them exactly?

Floyd: Someone cut me off in traffic. I hate that. How hard is it to use a turn signal? In hindsight I suppose it was a tad extreme of me, but I was in one of my little "evil moods" and I was feeling totally stressed out.

Becker: I see. So, um, do you do anything to relieve the stress?

Floyd: Yes. I have a pet Lim-Lim and I take him for walks. That's very relaxing. I almost always don't feel like blasting away entire villages after I pet my Lim-Lim. Do you want to pet him?

Becker: No, that's OK. My next question-

Floyd: Pet my Lim-Lim.

Becker: Floyd, you're a great guy and all, but I'm not going to pet your Lim-Lim.

Floyd: Pet my Lim-Lim or I shall tear thine entrails from thy puny shell of a body and spread them across the land as a warning to all who would dare cross my will!

Becker: Nice Lim-Lim! Sweet Lim-Lim! My it's skin is so soft!

Floyd: Thanks! We use coca butter to moisturize it. You can stop petting him now.

Becker: Sure thing. OK. Next question! What was it like working on Torment?

Floyd: It was quite a challenge to me as an actor. But Black Isle was very helpful. I think the trickiest part was dying all the time.

Becker: I'm surprised. I would have thought that, being immortal, temporary death would come naturally to you.

Floyd: Oh the dying part was easy. But sometimes I loose memories when I come back to life. It's very embarassing to wake up after being impaled with a pole-axe and not remember your lines. Then there was the one time I was supposed to take Tim Donley's Mom to the airport for him and I just left her standing outside the studio with a bunch of lesser fiends because I had just been plastered with a gigawatt lightning bolt. I felt pretty bad about that. And don't even get me started about trying to remember the number on my bank card!

Becker: I can see how that would be embarassing.

Floyd: You have no idea. I walked up to the teller to request a new number and she asked for my driver's license. Of course I had embedded it in my gastro-intestinal organs for safekeeping.

Becker: Of course.

Floyd: So I had to tear open my abdomen to pull out my wallet right there in front of everyone! I don't know how I'm going to live that one down.

Becker: I'm sure they understand. So do you have any final thoughts that the game has been released?

Floyd: Just that it was absolutly fantastic to work with the entire team and a special big "thumbs up" to all the NPCs I slaughtered.

Becker: I'm sure they're all happy to hear that. Have fun everybody!
 
 


 

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Copyright 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved. So neayh! Floyd,Floyd all null and void! Woke up in a Sigil zoo, doesn't know what to do!