Open Test for Black Isle and Interplay

Voight - Kampff - Becker




 
 

So now it's September 21st and the fact that Interplay and Black Isle are now officially late with Planescape:Torment is as obvious as a GWAR concert in a nunnery. Interplay is being coy, admitting that there is a release date but refusing to give us even a vague estimate of when it is. Clearly we can't directly ask them when the date is because all we'll get is a reply of "CENSORED" followed by a little ":-)". What is especailly galling is the the ":-)". I wanna punch that little smiley until it looks like this "%-{".

So we can't ask, "When's the release date?"

Some of the Black Isle staff graduated high school, so we can't try the more sly question, "Is it coming out soon?"

But never fear! I have developed a series of questions that will subtly enable us to divulge the date! It wasn't easy. At first all I could think of was, "How about you tell me the date or I'll cut off the development team's supply of stale doughnuts?" I realized that was too extreme though, so I toned it down to, "How about telling me the date or I'll drown your goldfish?" Somehow that seemed to soft. I was stumped.

Then I watched that most excellent of movies, Blade Runner, and realized that I needed an extensive questioniare based on Deckhard's (Harrison Ford) Voight-Kampff "replicant test". So I came up with the following ten questions that should either tell us the date or at the very least reveal that Black Isle is staffed by aritificially created super-humans; either one would be good to know.


1) What game would you suggest I get to tide me over for Planescape: Torment?
a) Fallout 2
b) Icewind Dale
c) Minesweeper

2) I am thinking about taking up a musical instrument until Torment comes out, what would you suggest?
a) Bass guitar
b) Bagpipes
c) Triangle

3) What's your favorite part in Torment so far?
a) Meeting Sheena Easton.
b) Getting a full size color glossy poster of Anahah to put in my cube and being able to call it "work-related material" instead of "soft-core porn".
c) The end credits.

4) How many bugs are left in the game?
a) One: We can't get it to compile.
b) Eight million.
c) None.

5) What game are you currently enjoying during what little free time you have?
a) Epica 1452: Marchhammer
b) Hit-the-writers-with-a-spiked-bat
c) Pong

6) When's the release party?
a) The sweet release of death will be the only celebration we require.
b) Release party? Ha-ha-ha!
c) We're chilling the beer, the munchies are in the microwave, and the booth babes we hired at E-3 are on the way.

7) What are you going to do when you've finshed the game?
a) Kill anyone who flames the message board about bugs.
b) Game? You mean this isn't supposed to be accounting software? Uh-oh.
c) Answer this stupid thing.

8) Where do you live?
a) One-one-eight-seven at Hunterwasser, Los Angeles.
b) The office.
c) The sanitarium.

9) You are walking along in a desert. You see a turtle. You flip it over on it's back. Why did you do that?
a) I'm a genetically engineered replicant with no soul or basic humanity, yet ironically I seem to crave my freedom and independence more than you so-called natural humans.
b) To spare it the pain of waiting.
c) To shake it down for loose change on my way to Electronics Boutique

10) Tell me about your mother.
a) I'll tell you about my mother! Die human!
b) I don't really remember her; I've been working on the game for too long.
c) She's playing the demo.


  E-mail me with your answers
  (No, I don't have some trendy little Perl thing to do it for me. I have a day job, you know!)

...and here were the responses!!

Gaylen:

1 - Final Fantasy 8 (only 40 hours of gameplay! - if you speed through it).

2 - Bagpipes, they're often played at funerals. People are dying for Torment, afterall.

3 - Poster. Definately poster.

4 - None, we havn't sent it to QA yet.

5 - Time? We have spare time?

6 - We've already drunk the beer, the munchies are reduced to popsicle sticks, and the booth babes never left >:-).

7 - Sleep. Then start making another one.

8 - I've settled in across the hall from Colin's office.

9 - The poor thing's feet were getting bunred from the sand... and it's belly looked like it could use a tan.

10 - My mother's this giant machine with test tubes and needles and - wait... that's a government secret, can't say a thing.

VERDICT Gaylen knows nothing about the release date. Furthermore he is quite human. A complete maniac, but a human maniac.

david

1. a

2. a

3. b

4. a

5. a

6. b

7. a

8. c

9. a

10. a

VERDICT david knows nothing about the release date. He has also admitted that he is a replicant and will be retired shortly. Sorry david, but your supernatural abilities are illegal on this world.

This was from Black Isle's own Adam Heine. The only one brave enough to take my test!


Okay, Becker, I'll humor you. But I decided that I didn't like any of your choices so I answered (D) for every questions. However, [DISCLAIMER] unless otherwise specified these are all jokes and cannot be otherwise construed as predictive answers for how far along the game is [/DISCLAIMER].

1) What game would you suggest I get to tide me over for Planescape: Torment?
d) Daikatana

2) I am thinking about taking up a musical instrument until Torment comes out, what would you suggest?
d) PaRappa the Rapper (isn't that an instrument?)

3) What's your favorite part in Torment so far?
d) The part where EVERYTHING FREAKING WORKS! I don't think I've seen that part yet, but I imagine it would be a good part.

4) How many bugs are left in the game?
d) Well, we haven't actually COMPILED the game yet. We've just been writing code and scripts, and we plan on compiling it a couple of days before the deadline. I'm sure it'll be fine.

5) What game are you currently enjoying during what little free time you have?
d) Worms Armageddon - I've had enough free time to read the title on the front of the box, twice I think. Well, okay, that's only partly true (I've had enough time to read it thrice).

6) When's the release party?
d) Oh, we already had it. Then we woke up with hangovers and realized we hadn't finished the game yet.

7) What are you going to do when you've finshed the game?
d) Lie down and stare at the ceiling until April or so.

8) Where do you live?
d) You can usually find me in my Saturn somewhere along I-5 between Irvine and San Diego.

9) You are walking along in a desert. You see a turtle. You flip it over on it's back. Why did you do that?
d) Cuz it's a turtle, duh!

10) Tell me about your mother.
d) My mother has less free-time than I do, is a brown (or is it red?) belt in karate, really really wants a Harley (actually, I believe that has changed to some kind of BMW recently, but it's a sporty BMW), and feeds a surrogate family of about 20 or so who might as well live at our house.

VERDICT Adam has inadvertantly admitted that the game will be released ... sometime in the future! Ha! and he thought he was so clever. Adam also seems to have a decent supply of neurotic habits so we can safely assume that he is not a replicant. Unless he is one of the "basic pleasure models" who got memories like Priss did. Hmmmm.
 


 

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Priss rocks.