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Impish Deals
...a short story by Calis

Parts 'n Pieces, an underground shop in the city of Sigil.

Seamusxanthuszenus, Slayer of Fiends (Actually, the rutterkin was already dead when he arrived, but Seamus didn't consider it necessary to mention this little fact to anyone.), Merchant Most Excellent (well, he did fill a niche in the busy economy of the city Sigil. He dealt in arms. Well, not just arms. All body parts, actually.), Purveyor of Death (I'm not even gonna touch that one.), was happy.

The leg that lay on the counter before him hadn't been bought cheaply. Well, it had been for him, but not for the lowly fiend that had brought him the item. The fiend that had sold him the leg had almost as many scars and bruises as the leg itself.

Musing over the yet-undiscovered magical properties of the leg, he didn't notice the portal activating, and a group of adventurers entering. The petty bickering between these foolish mortals disturbed his musings, however.

"What kind of a berk lets himself be disarmed so easily anyway?" "I don't believe disARMed would be an entirely appropriate term", another voice commented. Seamus saw with disbelief that the second speaker was a floating skull. "Will you two addle-coved idiots stop it! I used the only thing I could, OK? I needed a weapon. How could I've known that some bubbing Dretch would prove smart enough to take it and run?"

Seamus decided it was time to interfere. "Welcome to Parts 'n Pieces, good bloods. My name is Seamusxanthuszenus, Slayer of Fiends, Merchant Most Excellent, Purveyor of Death. What can I help you with? Everything is for sale..."

"Ah, a presumptuous little mephit, isn't it?", the skull said. "Be a good devil and hand over your latest acquisition." Seamus smelled profit. A piece of merchandise that was already this wanted was bound to bring in lots of profit. He decided to drive a hard bargain. "Ahh, you're a ... well ... gentleman of good taste, I can see. This exquisite item can go for no less than... 3000 Gold pieces."

"I can make you an even better offer", the skull said.
"How about this: you give us the leg, and I convince its legitimate owner NOT to put you in the dead-book?"

And then it dawned on Seamus. The rugged-looking man hadn't put his arm on the skull because of friendship, he used the floating skull for support. To help him walk on one leg. His other arm held a quarterstaff, also used for support.

In one word, Seamus was confused. Still, he didn't want to let go of his precious acquisition. "I never barter! Friends, HELP!"

Immediately, a number of Earth Grues came loose from the wall.
At almost the same instant, three of the adventurers wheeled around, the two women taking the flanks.

It was clear that they weren't unprepared.

The scarred man was also well prepared, casting a gust of wind to hold the dust mephit. While their companions held the earth grues at bay, the skull and the scarred man approached the prone mephit. "Ahahaha, silly little mephit. Didn't realise we had done our homework.", the skull kirred. "Give us the leg, cross-trading mephit, or I'll put you in the dead book."

"But I didn't peel you, it was that dretch." "You don't need to worry about him. Here, we even brought you back what you paid him." The man tossed the Mephit a half-eaten piece of indistinct meat. "A smart dretch, eh leatherhead?", the skull chuckled to the man. "Pike it, Morte", the man threw to the skull. "Now give me my leg back, you cross trading mephit!". Still fully caught by the gust of wind spell, the Mephit had no other choice than to obey.

"Of course, of course. I always barter", he countered his previous statement. "Take the leg. I had no use for it anyway."

"Not good enough. Call of your pets and give us the key out of this filthy dumphole. This might be a good kip for a Merchant Most Excellent, but we'd like to get out now."

"Of course, of course. I always treat my customers right."
The mephit handed the man his leg.
"C'mon, we'll sew it on later.", the skull commented. "Goodbye, oh Great Slayer of Fiends."

Seamus was confused.

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