Interview Nine:

Some Fire-guy


Becker: Yo! This is the Planescape Interviews for the few of you who actualy care. We got some fire-guy with us today.

Fire-guy: I have a name you know.

Becker: Whatever. Who cares? As some of my few viewers know, IGN released the votes for "Best Planescape: Torment Site" and this one didn't even make the top ten.

Fire-guy: Well that's no reason to disrespect me.

Becker: They said it was the lame graphics. OK. So what? So what if the layout is poor? So what if I ripped most of the graphics off of other sites? Doesn't content matter anymore?

Fire-guy: Are you drunk?

Becker: Drunk? Yes I am! Drunk on freedom! Drunk on individuality! These are the things that set humanity's soul on flame!

Fire-guy: It's funny you mention "on flame" ...

Becker: Do I not live? Do I not breathe? I am a person! Is that not enough to set me apart from the rest? Do I need mere visual gimickry? No! The flame of revolution burns within me! My words are the fire that heat the soul!

Fire-guy: ... yeah, well, I've got this curse you see ...

Becker: A curse? Oh, I know of that. Cursed to be overlooked. Cursed to be lumped in with the also-rans. Maybe we didn't make the top ten Planescape: Torment fan sites! Are we less worthy?

Fire-guy: ... I've been on fire for quite some time now ...

Becker: Meerly on fire? Why, sir, I am not just on fire, I am enranged! I've been interviewing you rejects from a horror movie for two months now, and what do I get? Acknowlogement? Recognition? No! I am ignored! Well no longer!

Fire-guy: ... did I mention that I'm an NPC follower?

Becker: A follower? Why settle for that, when you can be a leader! Awaken the surly masses! Form brigades! Storm the gates of IGN and demand an explanation of why these interviews -- conducted with loving attention to each and every subject -- was passed over, like a first son of Moses, when it came time to judge the worthy?

Fire-guy: Um, wow, I don't know.

Becker: Ha! I do. Politics! That's why I didn't win "Best Fan Site"! While others catered to the fickle whim of society, I stood out as a singularity! One man (and his staff of technicians, make-up artists, lighting crew, gaffers, gofers, and producers ... but never mind them) alone! Standing tall against storm of mediocrity! It is not but folk like me that do seperate the wheat from the chaff!

Fire-guy: Aren't you at least going to ask me any questions about the game?

Becker: I question the game. That petty game that folk to play in desperate attempts to gain the attention of their betters. Well, I am above that do you hear? May the hearts of the soulless lackies at IGN rot unto the seventh generation! I will not bow to the capricous whim of the so-called majority!

Fire-guy: Oh God, I'm going to lose my job over this, aren't I?

Becker: And what if you do? Do you value employment and money over integrity and self-worth?

Fire-guy: Well, actually ...

Becker: We shall stand together, as brothers, and cast down the elitist pigs who run IGN! We shall gut them like trout and rivers shall run red with their putrid blood! Hey! Who are you guys? What are you doing with the equipment? Stop it! Auuuggh!




Mr. Big, CEO and Chairman: Greetings. I am Mr. Big, CEO and chairman of this and many other websites. I would like to issue a public apology to IGN, Interplay, Black Isle, and North Shore for Becker's outburst. He is currently udergoing psycho-therapy and chemical castration.

Fire-guy: Um, I had nothing to do with this. Honest.

Mr. Big, CEO and Chairman: This website shall resume it's normal programming next week.

Fire-guy: I like IGN! I think they're the cat's meow.

Mr. Big, CEO and Chairman: Until then I bid all of our regulars farewell, and our buisness partners a truly profitable evening.

Fire-guy: God bless Torment director Ken Lee!




Copyright 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved. So neayh! And yes we know his name is Ingus. By the way that picture is of BIS designer J.E. Sawyer, he knows about it and hasn't complained yet.