Interview Fourteen:



Becker: Guh. Wah? Sorry folks, Torment was finally realeased and I've been playing for the past seventy two consecutive hours. I would have kept going, but Mr. Big reminded me with an electric cattle prod that I had an appointment with Floyd. So here we are now by the indoor olympic sized swimming pool at Floyd's mansion-

Floyd: Please. We perfer to call it "Casa del Floyd".

Becker: I'm sorry. We're at Casa del Floyd and talking to the Man of the Hour himself! So Floyd, what's it like to be a big star?

Floyd: I've lived for ten thousand years and I've been a major star on several occasions so I'm rather accustomed to it. You'd think it would be a major adjustment getting used to legions of fans, millions of dollars, and a small army of gorgeous women but I've managed to adapt.

Becker: When was the last time you were such a big celebrity?

Floyd: That would have been three thousand years ago when my name was known to billions of people on the plane of Kered.

Becker: Wow! Were you an actor then too?

Floyd: No, I destroyed the entire planet. People remember you when you do things like that.

Becker: Oh. Um. Why did you exterminate them exactly?

Floyd: Someone cut me off in traffic. I hate that. How hard is it to use a turn signal? In hindsight I suppose it was a tad extreme of me, but I was in one of my little "evil moods" and I was feeling totally stressed out.

Becker: I see. So, um, do you do anything to relieve the stress?

Floyd: Yes. I have a pet Lim-Lim and I take him for walks. That's very relaxing. I almost always don't feel like blasting away entire villages after I pet my Lim-Lim. Do you want to pet him?

Becker: No, that's OK. My next question-

Floyd: Pet my Lim-Lim.

Becker: Floyd, you're a great guy and all, but I'm not going to pet your Lim-Lim.

Floyd: Pet my Lim-Lim or I shall tear thine entrails from thy puny shell of a body and spread them across the land as a warning to all who would dare cross my will!

Becker: Nice Lim-Lim! Sweet Lim-Lim! My it's skin is so soft!

Floyd: Thanks! We use coca butter to moisturize it. You can stop petting him now.

Becker: Sure thing. OK. Next question! What was it like working on Torment?

Floyd: It was quite a challenge to me as an actor. But Black Isle was very helpful. I think the trickiest part was dying all the time.

Becker: I'm surprised. I would have thought that, being immortal, temporary death would come naturally to you.

Floyd: Oh the dying part was easy. But sometimes I loose memories when I come back to life. It's very embarassing to wake up after being impaled with a pole-axe and not remember your lines. Then there was the one time I was supposed to take Tim Donley's Mom to the airport for him and I just left her standing outside the studio with a bunch of lesser fiends because I had just been plastered with a gigawatt lightning bolt. I felt pretty bad about that. And don't even get me started about trying to remember the number on my bank card!

Becker: I can see how that would be embarassing.

Floyd: You have no idea. I walked up to the teller to request a new number and she asked for my driver's license. Of course I had embedded it in my gastro-intestinal organs for safekeeping.

Becker: Of course.

Floyd: So I had to tear open my abdomen to pull out my wallet right there in front of everyone! I don't know how I'm going to live that one down.

Becker: I'm sure they understand. So do you have any final thoughts that the game has been released?

Floyd: Just that it was absolutly fantastic to work with the entire team and a special big "thumbs up" to all the NPCs I slaughtered.

Becker: I'm sure they're all happy to hear that. Have fun everybody!



Copyright 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved. So neayh! Floyd,Floyd all null and void! Woke up in a Sigil zoo, doesn't know what to do!