Interview Eleven:

Pharod Wormhair


Becker: Hey all! This week we finally get to talk to NPC follower, Pharod Wormhair.

Pharod: Greetings!

Becker: It was really hard tracking you down; what have you been doing on Torment thatís kept you so busy?

Pharod: As you may know, theyíre in the debugging stage of making the game and I offered to help with that.

Becker: So youíve been playtesting?

Pharod: No, Iíve been stealing office supplies. Interplay doesnít always give Black Isle all the things they need so Iíve been pilfering boxes of staples, copy paper, and highlighters from Interplay and giving them to Black Isle.

Becker: So youíve been stealing from the rich and giving to the poor?

Pharod: Exactly, Iím the Robin Hood of Planescape:Torment.

Becker: Thatís funny because in your write up with TSR they said you were evil.

Pharod: What? Thatís outrageous!

Becker: Yep. They also called you a "pompous blowhard".

Pharod: Iíve never been so insulted in all my life! Who was the lackey that wrote that article anyway?

Becker: Ray Vallese. They said he was the guy who helped write the novelization of the game.

Pharod: Oh, that explains it then. That little weasel stole half of his ideas from me, that hatchet job he wrote about in the TSR article is probably the first of many attempts to discredit me. Rest assured heíll be hearing from my lawyers.

Becker: Yikes! Well, lets move on to a more pleasant topic. It says in my notes that you claim to be a tiefling.

Pharod: Thatís right I am a descendant of a fiend. Iím on a first-name basis with a plethora of fiends. Granted, Iím not a full-fledged fiend, but if you want the inside fiendish scoop? I got it!.

Becker: Cool. So what do you think your "fiendish" father saw in your human mother anyway?

Pharod: I never really thought about it. I guess itís hard to meet nice girls on the lower planes. As for why my Mom saw in my Dad, thatís obvious.

Becker: Superhuman strength? A vast array of deadly magical abilities?

Pharod: Uh, no. She said it was because he drove a 1957 Chevrolet Firebird that was in mint condition.

Becker: Iím actually not surprised. This may come as a shock to you, but you are fully human!

Pharod: What?

Becker: Yes. Some of the folks in my staff werenít convinced of your fiendish heritage, so they did some checking. Your father is actually Stanley Falasca, an auto mechanic from Cleveland, Ohio.

Pharod: But thatís impossible! My mother often spoke of his hideous appearance and a malodorous stench that caused plants to wilt.

Becker: Pharod, Iíve been to Cleveland. Trust me, those are common attributes.

Pharod: But, Iíve built my entire reputation on being a tiefling! I mean, who is going to cower in terror from "Pharod, son of Stan from Cleveland"? Iím ruined!

Becker: Oh, nobody will even notice. Try covering your skin in berry paste and rolling in ashes. That might do the trick. Besides, Iím sure all your concerns will evaporate when you meet your real father.

Pharod: I donít understand.

Becker: You will! In a first time ever event, the Torment Interviews would like to reunite you with your true father! Pharod, meet Stan!

Stan: Son?

Pharod: Daddy?

Becker: This is so touching.

Pharod: I hope I havenít been a disappointment to you, Dad. Iíve built a criminal empire in the underground of a city that lies between dimensions. I rule over thugs and outlaws as a king.

Stan: Son, I couldn't be more proud!

Becker: Somebody get me a handkerchief. Iím overcome. Weíll leave these two alone and be back next week.



Copyright © 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved
Hey! What do you call a boomerang that won't return? ... A stick! Ba-dum-bump! HA! Joke! I kill me.