Becker: Good day and welcome to the interviews! Today we’ll be talking to Trevor.

Trevor: Hi everybody!

Becker: Now Trevor, you’re not actually an NPC follower are you?

Trevor: Nope. I’m a guard.

Becker: And what’s that like?

Trevor: It’s not a bad job really. Mostly I just stand outside of a building and tell Floyd-

Becker: The Nameless One.

Trevor: -that he can’t go inside.

Becker: Any particular reason?

Trevor: Usually because he dosen’t have a quest item. It sounds dull, but I get to sit around and chat with the other extras on the set. Interplay provides some very nice refreshments while we wait for the Nameless One to show up.

Becker: Are there ever any complications?

Trevor: Oh yes. Usually when Whoever is playing the Nameless One decides that he’s a chaotic evil psychopath. Then it’s nothing but "kill the guard". It’s kind of a drag. You’re sitting there, enjoying your coffee, the Namless One comes on the set, and suddenly you have to fight him. Sometimes he just lobs a lightning bolt your way without warning! I hate that.

Becker: I can see why.

Trevor: I mean, all he has to do is go on some stupid little sidequest and I’ll let him right in! How hard is that? "Do you have the +1 pass of enterance?" I ask. "ScReW U BaItCh!" he says. I hear the battle music cuing up in the background, and suddenly I’ve got some kind of vorpal chainsaw of demon slaying going through my neck. Do you know what kind of weapons Black Isle gives us? Puny little longswords! We don’t stand a chance out there! I was ressurected five times last month alone! You should have seen it when Tales of the Sword Coast was released. The guards in the merchant charthouse? That was me and my friend Joey. All the main character had to do was get a mug of ale from across town, but did that ever happen? Noooooo. They couldn’t even be bothered to select the right dialogue option! And you know what? It wouldn’t bother me as much if they attacked us when they start out at first level, but they always wait until they’re at least seventh level or something. Is a fair fight too much to ask for?

Becker: So what would you suggest to the Torment designers to improve the situation?

Trevor: Well, a few of the guys on the squad want some M-1 main battle tanks and a few Apache heliocopters.

Becker: It is supposed to be a fantasy game.

Trevor: Yeah, I know. That’s why I’d be willing to settle for some +3 platemail, boots of speed, poison arrows, and one of those new +5 defenders I keep reading about in all the trade magaznies.

Becker: Wouldn’t it be rather expensive if all the guards were equipped like that?

Trevor: Hey, you get what you pay for! Besdies, Interplay seems to have plenty of money when it comes to making evil castles and faction headquarters. How come they can’t shell out a little extra cash for the people who guard those things? Besides they’ll make all that money back when we don’t have to be ressurected as often.

Becker: That certainly makes sense. Any closing thoughts?

Trevor: Yeah, just tell that so-called Nameless One that if I have my way, he better think twice about going on some little fantasy kill-fest.

Becker: I’ll try to pass that along. Well, that wraps it up for this week. See you next time!