Interview Seven:

Trevor the Guard


Becker: Good day and welcome to the interviews! Today weíll be talking to Trevor.

Trevor: Hi everybody!

Becker: Now Trevor, youíre not actually an NPC follower are you?

Trevor: Nope. Iím a guard.

Becker: And whatís that like?

Trevor: Itís not a bad job really. Mostly I just stand outside of a building and tell Floyd-

Becker: The Nameless One.

Trevor: -that he canít go inside.

Becker: Any particular reason?

Trevor: Usually because he dosenít have a quest item. It sounds dull, but I get to sit around and chat with the other extras on the set. Interplay provides some very nice refreshments while we wait for the Nameless One to show up.

Becker: Are there ever any complications?

Trevor: Oh yes. Usually when Whoever is playing the Nameless One decides that heís a chaotic evil psychopath. Then itís nothing but "kill the guard". Itís kind of a drag. Youíre sitting there, enjoying your coffee, the Namless One comes on the set, and suddenly you have to fight him. Sometimes he just lobs a lightning bolt your way without warning! I hate that.

Becker: I can see why.

Trevor: I mean, all he has to do is go on some stupid little sidequest and Iíll let him right in! How hard is that? "Do you have the +1 pass of enterance?" I ask. "ScReW U BaItCh!" he says. I hear the battle music cuing up in the background, and suddenly Iíve got some kind of vorpal chainsaw of demon slaying going through my neck. Do you know what kind of weapons Black Isle gives us? Puny little longswords! We donít stand a chance out there! I was ressurected five times last month alone! You should have seen it when Tales of the Sword Coast was released. The guards in the merchant charthouse? That was me and my friend Joey. All the main character had to do was get a mug of ale from across town, but did that ever happen? Noooooo. They couldnít even be bothered to select the right dialogue option! And you know what? It wouldnít bother me as much if they attacked us when they start out at first level, but they always wait until theyíre at least seventh level or something. Is a fair fight too much to ask for?

Becker: So what would you suggest to the Torment designers to improve the situation?

Trevor: Well, a few of the guys on the squad want some M-1 main battle tanks and a few Apache heliocopters.

Becker: It is supposed to be a fantasy game.

Trevor: Yeah, I know. Thatís why Iíd be willing to settle for some +3 platemail, boots of speed, poison arrows, and one of those new +5 defenders I keep reading about in all the trade magaznies.

Becker: Wouldnít it be rather expensive if all the guards were equipped like that?

Trevor: Hey, you get what you pay for! Besdies, Interplay seems to have plenty of money when it comes to making evil castles and faction headquarters. How come they canít shell out a little extra cash for the people who guard those things? Besides theyíll make all that money back when we donít have to be ressurected as often.

Becker: That certainly makes sense. Any closing thoughts?

Trevor: Yeah, just tell that so-called Nameless One that if I have my way, he better think twice about going on some little fantasy kill-fest.

Becker: Iíll try to pass that along. Well, that wraps it up for this week. See you next time!




Copyright © 2000 Derek Becker and the Pit crew. All rights reserved
And you know something? The guards actually were a little tougher in Torment! Good job Trevor!